{"id":394,"date":"2025-12-18T17:09:22","date_gmt":"2025-12-18T17:09:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/calypso.media.uoa.gr\/2025\/news12\/?p=394"},"modified":"2025-12-23T14:58:52","modified_gmt":"2025-12-23T14:58:52","slug":"17-kind-ways-to-say-no-to-your-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/calypso.media.uoa.gr\/2025\/news12\/?p=394","title":{"rendered":"17 Kind Ways To Say No To Your Child"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

On Setting Limits<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Juliet looked at her mom, her hands already on the paint pot. \u201cMama? Can we paint some more. Please?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

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Her mom, tired and in the middle of signing a school memo, looked at her daughter and sighed. This was supposed to be clean up time. It was getting late, but then again she didn\u2019t want an argument. \u201cMaybe next week, sweetie,\u201d she said, moving to the table and beginning clear up. And then, seeing her little girl\u2019s face begin to crumple, said, \u201cOr maybe even tomorrow. We\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This kind of limit setting is what Hand in Hand calls a \u201cworkaround.\u201d There is no clean limit. We don\u2019t want to deal with our child getting upset, so we \u2018work-around\u2019 saying no. It ends up being almost an emotional bribe,\u201d says Hand in Hand Instructor Kathy Gordon<\/a>, because of our own feelings underneath the work-around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat feeling goes something like, \u2018If you don\u2019t get upset, I\u2019ll give you this later\u2019\u201d she says. \u201cAlthough, if your kiddo is like mine, they\u2019ll hear the \u2018deal\u2019 in that work-around and that\u2019s when the endless negotiations start. \u201cHow about if we just do it for 5 minutes now and that will be it?\u201d my son might say, as he tries to get around my work-around.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Saying No Feels Hard<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Parents get shy saying no because of feelings they have remaining from their own upbringings. Parents raised with a harsh \u201cNo,\u201d might, in an effort to spare their own children from them, become non-confrontational. They may be tired and not ready for the pullback that can come with a no. Others may have never heard \u201cNo,\u201d from well-meaning parents and don\u2019t know how to say them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But not saying no can actually be confusing for a child. And it allows little room for their own feelings. When we understand that children benefit from releasing their tension and fears through tantrums and cries, a firm no can be a true gift for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children looking for a pretext to cry may push and push limits. A kindly said no gives them a solid reason to cry. And when we stay close to children while they shed their tears, we can offer the warmth and connection they need to feel better. (There is more about how crying can be good for children in this article, Discovering The Value of a Good Tantrum<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children who do not hear no may continue to push, or may internalise the feelings until they crop up next time. \u201cWe set parents up for frustration and ultimately failure if we teach them to do work-arounds instead of supporting them in learning to say \u2018no\u2019 simply, lovingly, even playfully, and without explanation,\u201d Kathy says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because being listened to helps us clear out emotional baggage, exploring how you feel about limits, how limits were set in your house growing up, and what the word no means to you can be useful. Try this in a listening partnership<\/a> or with someone who can listen well to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No Can Be Soft, Can Be Playful<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Listening Time is also a place to practice how to say no. As many of us know all too well, this two-letter word can carry a mighty weight and is too often used like a weapon. But a no doesn\u2019t have to be harsh. In fact, you can see just how softly a no can be said, still with authority, in this clip<\/a> from Hand in Hand\u2019s founder Patty Wipfler, author of the book Listen: Five Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges<\/em>.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try out saying the lightest no you can during your listening time, or saying it playfully. Try saying the word using lots of warmth and eye contact. Try even saying no, no, no repeatedly until it feels comfortable. Or sing it in your most over dramatic operatic voice. Then, take from the list below, adapt them to common situations in your house, and make them yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIn a sense we are reclaiming the word \u2018no,\u2019 making it not about a harsh limit but about something that can be light, connecting, playful and yet that holds a firm boundary. Often it\u2019s that clear boundary rather than the vaguer \u2018perhaps next week\u2019 that allows a child to access their feelings,\u201d says Kate Orson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A \u2018no\u2019 doesn\u2019t need to sound mean or be yelled to be effective and it doesn\u2019t have to be avoided. Sometimes, your style of saying no can be so predictable that it becomes a source of humor. \u201cThey find it oh so funny every time I resort to the tried and tested \u2018I know\u2019 that it\u2019s sort of become our opening into Playlistening, says Hand in Hand Instructor Megha Mawandia<\/a>, who always tends towards an \u201cI know you want to xxx, but you can\u2019t,\u201d limit:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMom, can I have candy?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI know you want to\u2026 sorry I can\u2019t let you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMom, I don\u2019t want to go to school,\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI know you don\u2019t want to.. sorry, but you have to.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMom, I hate my sister\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry you feel like that\u2026I know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThey start talking about ridiculous things to which I have to then say \u2018I know\u2019 to with a straight face,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Using this approach, the mom described above would say to Juliet, \u201cI know you want to keep painting, but it\u2019s time to tidy up.\u201d When she cries, mom would move in, stay close and support her. There\u2019s more about how to reassure your child when they get upset<\/a> here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

17 Kind Ways You Can Say No to your Child<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Take a deep breath, and try these no nonsense but empathetic ways to say no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo.\u201d (The easiest way to say no, or even try, no, no, no.\u201d)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI can\u2019t let you do that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, honey no.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCome back.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s your brother\u2019s\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, you can\u2019t have another.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, not now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI can\u2019t let you do that. I can\u2019t let you hit.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, son, your sister has that pillow.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe aren\u2019t doing that now, but I am here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, you can\u2019t climb into my lap right now. You are right here in front of me. It\u2019s safe.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo. No candy\/screen time\/new toy right now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI know you want them, but I can\u2019t let you have them right now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, I will pick you up in a little while, but not this minute.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, I won\u2019t let you grab another book from that shelf.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, we\u2019ll get a snack later. No chips right now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Set limits that kids actually listen to<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Proven tools to set healthy limits in a way that fosters cooperation and connects you and your child.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This class teaches you what to say to set effective limits, how to say it, and what to expect from your child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you have been locked in power battles with your child, these tools will set you free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Set limits that feel firm, kind and compassionate. Discover more<\/a> about this class.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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